Archive for November, 2009


where have I been? Taking care of a sick husband and baby for the w h o l e week. And always so proud that I was still alive and well and functioning.

Where am I now? Sick. Sicker. I feel like shit. And DH has to go back to work on Monday. So let’s hope that I will feel much better tomorrow. *prays*


End of message. Coughing my way back to the couch.


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Oh, the Weight!

Okay. First, sorry I haven’t been around the last days. I am so terribly busy with clearing out the apartment before the move, I just don’t have the time to blog.


Second, as I was going through a drawer I stumbled upon an old picture showing me at my 22nd birthday. I was shocked. And awed. How good I looked! How thin I was! Yes, that was really me.

The picture is 7 and 1/2 years old. Much has changed in between. So has my body. I am o.k. with the way I look at the moment, but it is not a strong o.k. and there’s no way I will be like that for the rest of my life. Noway!

I guess  I weighed something like 63 kg in 2002. That my sound much to many, but it is really fabulous for me. I know that with my height and my love for sweets, I am comfortable at 66 kg IF I do sports. That’s a big if. If I don’t, I gain weight.

All right, let’s see, 10 months ago I was pregnant. I had tons of water inside me in form of edema which was gone several weeks after the birth of my son. But. I gained a lot extra. A lot lot. I stopped measuring me towards the end of the pregnancy, but I am sure I must have been close to 30kg extra.

Sigh, ok, let’s be totally honest. I am at 80kg at the moment. That’s 14kg till I feel comfortable and look quite good. And some more till I look as stunning as in 2002 – which I didn’t feel like back then, of course. 😉

But, I am only 4kg short until I reach the weight I had when I got pregnant. Yup. I can’t blame it all on the pregnancy. Boy, that sucks. I had already managed to gain 10kg just like that over the course of two years. See, I am a comfort eater. When I’m stressed or bored, I love to eat. And I loooove chocolate.

Chocolate really is my sin, my biggest addiction. I love coffee too, but it’s not in an addictive way. Other, I don’t smoke and haven’t been drunk for almost 19months (big cheers to breastfeeding, seriously, can’t wait to get wasted *g*).  I can’t go dieting until babyN is off my breast, at least a little bit more than he is at the moment. I guess, I can talk diet in about two months time.

But, I want to get serious now. I will turn 30 next year. My goal is to get as close to the looks of my 22nd birthday as possible until then. Which will be in July. I really really want to get rid of that emo-eating habit of mine. I’m fine with taking baby-steps, but I really want to get going.

I know Christmas is approaching. I love all the sweets. But if I can manage to consume them carefully at this time of the year, I hope I will be able to do so the rest as well. Or even stop completely one day.

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My baby is…

… 9 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old.

He weighs 7940 g, is 71 cm tall  and is motorically slightly ahead of his peer group. You have no idea how happy these results from our doctor’s this morning make me.

First, the weight. All I hear all the time is: Oh, this is a cutie, but so small! So thin! So delicate!

As a breastfeeding mother in an environment where most women don’t breastfeed at all or stopped doing so latest three months ago (really, 99% of the women I know who breastfed during the first months dutifully started with supplementary food the very day their babies turned 6 months old), I can be as convinced and comfortable with what I am doing – I still get insecure every now and then.  I do have my doubts. How can I be the only one not jumping on that train?

Of course I know I am not the only one.

And yet, it was so reassuring to hear the doctor say he’s totally happy with babyN’s development. With his weight. Especially in a time when so many small children are already overweight, he added.

Second, his motor abilities. You have to know, when babyN was born, he was born with a  hip luxation. That means his left acetabulum was incapable of holding the leg. The bone was moving freely. If untreated, he would have never been able to walk.

Of course, we started treatment right away. BabyN was 5 weeks old when he was first put into narcosis and a cement cast that went from his belly button down to his ankles. The only thing spared was a small opening for the smallest size of pampers.

That cast got changed two times under narcosis and we got extremely lucky at the second time as his hip had developed extraordinarily well. After only six weeks in the cement cast, he got a splint which he had to wear 24/7, but we were aloud to take it off for baths and diaper changes. What an improvement!

We were very very strict about wearing the splint. Very. It paid off. After only 8 weeks, the doctors couldn’t believe their eyes again: His hip was fully developed – and we were able to leave the hospital without any further medical treatment.

But for 14 weeks of his life, babyN had been impaired. Think about it! 14 weeks, that’s more than 3 months, which is a third of his whole life . For these 14 weeks, he wasn’t able to use his legs at all. Not a bit. Of course, all the muscles needed to get stronger, not only in the legs but also in the back.

We didn’t go into physiotherapy. The specialists told us to give him time. Let him catch up on his own. They’d check back on him when he’d be one year old.

Today, our doctor informed us that not only did he catch up, he’s even slightly ahead. He crawls and sits like every other baby, but can also already lift himself up to standing on his own. I am sooo happy. So so so unbelievably happy.

We will have to check with the specialists anyways when babyN’s one year old. I fear that day very much nevertheless. He will be x-rayed to see if the femoral head had been damaged under the cast treatment. Which can happen as a side-effect. If so, he will need surgery. But that is fears of the future. And doesn’t need to happen.

For today,  I am happy. I won’t be thinking about his hip for the next two months. 🙂

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I love shooting nature pics in autumn. There’s so much warm color out there and even warmer light. I love autumn’s light.

Also, I prefer the climate. I love the chilly mornings, the fresh air, the clear blue skies with the bright sun in it, warming but not heating you up when it touches.

Autumn’s by far my favorite season. And even though it is November already and I sort of count this month as winter, it still feels like autumn these days.
Today’s a wonderful weather. Even though there are heavy dark clouds, sun beams find their way through.

I feel like tidying up the apartment, cleaning it very thoroughly so we can cuddle up in it for the following months. I feel like having lots of candles out, seeing through the tea collection and adding some extra cushions to the sofa.
You can tell Christmas is approaching.

Instead of doing all the above, I am only dreaming. Because we will be moving in one month time. And I am absolutely happy about it, longing for the new apartment.
For all I know and feel, autumn could stay a little bit longer. What better season to make a new home homey than winter and Christmas time?

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Oh Hi! It’s November.

And I was planing to join in the NaBloPoMo 2009. Was planing to… I figured I would have a hard start yesterday, because apparently we had our party on Saturday with overnight guests, in our 2 1/2 room apartment plus my baby which would lead me to probably no sleep at all between Saturday and Sunday.

Anyways, I thought I could squeeze in a teeny tiny post on Sunday.

What I didn’t expect to happen was my baby to become sick like never before. BAM! just like that. We already realized during the night, that he was kind of heavily breathing. At 2 am he was awake gasping for air. He was like that for the rest of the night, sleeping only in small portions, crying a lot. From 5 am onwards he was only crying, nothing we could do to comfort him. At 8 in the morning, we decided to drive to the hospital. Because, yeah, it was Sunday. No doctor available other ways.

Let me tell you, we were just happy that my husband was sober enough again to drive… Did I mention that we held a party and had overnight guests?

Needless to say, we were heavily distressed with our baby being so unwell. Wait… Let me say this more appropriate: I was frightened beyond belief.

Not only was he breathing so goddamn heavily, he was also crying all the time (which didn’t help the breathing one bit, but try to explain that to a 9 months old) which upset us a lot because normally he doesn’t cry at all and to make me go all panicking, he also refused to drink. Anything at all. For hours.

Turns out he has a bronchitis.

We went to see our regular pediatrician today and he confirmed the diagnosis, added something to the medical treatment and I think my baby is finally getting better. At least a bit.

Oh boy, was I frightened. Being a parent can be a very scary thing every now and than. I could have cried with him all the time. I even caught myself trying to cough for him.

Today, I needed a breast pump for the first time since the birth. Felt weird. Let me tell you, I looked like Dolly Buster and was sure to explode any minute. It sucks when the baby refuses to drink.

Best part yesterday: When we returned from the emergency room, our guests (i.e. friends) had prepared breakfast. 🙂

And that’s why I already failed at NaBloPoMo. Bummer. -.-

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